Ever wonder why?

Have you ever wondered why it is that every person around you seems to think you have it all together when you don't? That every other person around you admires you for your looks, for your work ethic or the type of parent you are? Have you found yourself wondering why it is that those around you can all see your accomplishments, but not you? Have you wondered why everyone else sees your potential that you lack to see in yourself? Have you found yourself wondering why it is that you want and see all these things in other people, but you don't realize that you already have it in yourself? That is the stuff I want to talk about. These are the things that need to be talked about, because that's what we're missing.

I want to take a second to talk about physical beauty. This is something I have struggled with in different ways. If I am going to be completely honest, and I am, I will be the first to admit that I am not ugly. I was blessed with long legs, that yes I complain about, but really know deep down they are a blessing. I have long pretty hair and a pretty face. I am not looked at in a negative light when it comes to my looks. I do not want to come across conceded, because although I can admit to what I just did, I am by far my biggest critic. I at times get so focused in on my physical looks that even when I can wear a size 1 in jeans its not good enough. Even when I can get a million compliments, I will still find a hundred reasons to disagree or find faults. I have always struggled with really loving myself. I have been told at times in my life when I am going though hard times that "You will be fine because your pretty." or "We don't ever worry if you will be okay because you are pretty." can I just say this has been the worst compliment I have ever received! I know, I get it.. poor me for being so pretty right? Yeah, it sounds so pathetic! Its a struggle that some may never get, but trust me when I say that I am much more than a pretty face and so maybe being recognized as more shouldn't be such a crazy desire. Look, we will always compare ourselves to people on tv, those gym barbies, models, etc.. What we don't see is that every person has their own story and struggle and maybe to look like that model we would never eat and when we did we would throw it all up. Maybe these girls will never have babies and their body sure as hell hasn't been through the weight gain and stretching that growing a child requires. Maybe you see the gym barbie that has kids, but we don't see all the late hours and early mornings she has put into making her physical health such a priority. We can ONLY be the best versions of ourselves! We can ONLY take what we were blessed with and make the most of it. Some girls will never have the long legs I have. Well believe it or not I have always wished I was shorter like you short girls because, well short is so much cuter. We always want what we don't have, but if we spent more time being thankful for what we have, we would have less time to sulk about wanting it different. Now ladies, do not hold yourself back by what I just said. If you want to be healthier, DO IT. If you want to make more money or travel or take chances you are scared to take, DO IT. I am in no way saying don't dream big, I am just saying dream big while loving yourself. There is only 1 of you.

I have been going to therapy for the last year of my life and it has been the best decision I ever made. I remember listening to a podcast recently where a girl said "Nobody wants to go to therapy. Nobody wants to go in a room, sit on a couch and talk about how messed up they are." HA! I literally raised my hand like a student in class while alone in my bathroom and yelled "I DO!" I do because I love getting things out. I love learning about why I feel the way I do. I love getting the chance to hear a completely unbiased individual put me in my place and tell me I am playing the victim in my own story. What? Crazy right? For me, it brings clarity and I absolutely love being told when I am messing up. Now I know that I am a very small percentage that feels this way or will ever say it out loud. The fact is, sometimes it takes us losing everything to gain clarity. I would rather just open my mind up enough to see it without the trauma. Not saying that I haven't been through the trauma or why the heck else would I be sitting in therapy? All I am getting at is be open to hearing that maybe the way you handled that fight wasn't the most productive. Maybe the judgement you cast on another person was completely wrong. Listen, nobody will agree with everything you do, that is why we all get to have our own opinions and thoughts. Its the amazing thing about life and meeting friends.

Okay, back to my opening paragraph. Why do we deny ourselves the love that we so freely give to others? Why do we beat ourselves down when we tell our best friend not to? Why do we raise hell when somebody we love is being treated poorly, but we accept it? Why do we seem to think that others deserve better than us?!? I think this all comes down to the inability to truly love ourselves. We as humans all have triggers. I found recently that I compartmentalize. Well, if the compartments were like coffins and I thought that each issue was something I was going to bury away like bodies in a cemetery then let me be the first to admit I am getting haunted. That is what anxiety is right? The ghost of each problem you push deep down coming back to haunt you until you give it peace so it can cross over. I know crazy way to explain it, but really think about it. The fact that I get "Triggered" is proof that there was no resolution to a previous battle. Anxiety ties back to insecurities which tie back to why we aren't loving ourselves and why we aren't seeing our worth. If we can start to find our triggers and understand them then we can change our position with them. We can do preventative care.

One thing I am doing now is going to the gym, its not just a physical relief, but it is also preventative care. When I can stay focused on things I enjoy, It makes me feel better. When I am in a good state of mind then I can tell those trigger, nope. I can change my process of how I react to situations. Then when you aren't being triggered and feeling down, you are loving you. When you love you, you can accept those compliments rather than find reasons to disagree. The reality is we all have different talents, different passions, different life styles, but we can all be successful. You can be happy and when you are really taking the time to be thankful for all you have and are, you don't have time to be negative.

We aren't doing enough preventative care\self care. This is something we have all been told was important, but how many of us really take the time to do it? I am a mother of 4, I have a full time job and I am the corporate office manager for a very successful company with hundreds of employees. I have kids with homework and breaking up fights. Dr. appointments, school functions, work events,dinners, house work and of course my husband also works full time. However, I find time to go to the gym almost every day. I take a long bath. I practice meditation and go to therapy once a week as well. The point of all this is, you make time for what is important. Really everything you have in your life that you do or don't like is something you are allowing to be there. If you are not at the top of your priority list, then you cant keep everything else together. I have been a mom for over 10 years and I just finally realized this. Self love isn't having a big head and obsessing over yourself. Self love is about taking care of your needs so you can take care of others. Self love is not putting others worth above your own. Just as if you want someone to really respect you, you first have to respect yourself. You cant put others worth above yours and not find yourself questioning your own worth. Know your worth, know your boundaries and make yourself a priority.

Take the time right now to write down what preventative care you do. What do you do for you to make you a priority? If you don't know or you don't do anything for you, change it. I cannot stress this enough, if you do not take care of you then you cannot take care of everyone and everything else you need to. If you cannot afford therapy then do me a favor and find the common trigger to all of your anxiety. Take time to love yourself and I promise you that you will stop comparing yourself to everyone else. You will start to acknowledge your accomplishments and you will know your worth.